Advice, Dating Online Personals

Sometimes we attempt to overlook the obvious signs that a relationship has gone sour because we don’t want to admit it. This can be for many different reasons that range from being in a comfort zone to not wanting to admit failure. Other reasons may be that the couple truly cares for one another, but there is just something that makes the relationship unable to work. Whatever the reasons may be, you need to learn to recognize the signs so that you can avoid as much discomfort as possible when the two of you walk away. Delaying the inevitable is only going to make things more difficult.

One of the most obvious signs that a relationship is over is the desire to spend less time apart. The couple may begin spending more time with family and friends alone rather than with their dating partner. Of course, if this is something you have done throughout the relationship, this may be less obvious and more difficult to detect. However, you should be able to detect other signs such as staying out later on these outings than in the past or not calling to let your partner know you have returned. You may also choose to call just so your partner doesn’t worry but not spend time to discuss the events of the day as you once did. These outings may also increase in frequency as the relationship continues to decline.

As your relationship declines, you may find you are spending less time on the telephone. When you leave a message, your partner may take longer to return the call if he or she returns it at all. Instead of going out and enjoying yourselves, time together may be limited to sitting around watching television, an activity that doesn’t require much interaction. Dates may begin to include friends so that you don’t have to attempt to engage in meaningful conversation. You may also find yourself going to more public places such as ballgames and other sporting events you never attended before just to avoid too much close contact.

When you find yourselves arguing over stupid things, you know it’s time to move along your separate ways. Certainly every couple has times when they are going to pick a fight “just because,” but when it becomes frequent, you know that something is seriously wrong with the relationship. That is the point when you need to sit down and talk it over and decide if the relationship is really dead or if you are just on a plateau as sometimes happens.

Also, if you have been together long enough that your relationship includes intimacy, and that suddenly becomes less frequent or non-existent, you know you are truly on a downhill slide. Even within marriage a change in the frequency of intimate relations is a sure sign of severe problems within the relationship. When you put everything together, you have to look at the complete picture and know when it is time to say goodbye and walk away.

What do you do if you have someone special, but you don’t have a great deal of money to go out? One thing some men do not understand is that not all women are materialistic and expecting to go to high class restaurants for dinner or to a movie every week. Of course, on the other end, sometimes they have not been trained in the art of choosing an inexpensive place to spend time with his date. Many are too proud to admit they do not have the financial means to spend more than $50 every week for dinner. Although a pricey dinner may be important if you are going on a first date, once you begin a relationship, there is no need to fear saying that you are unable to spend much money this time because of other obligations.

One thing that is becoming more common today with men and women holding full-time jobs is sharing the cost of the date. You can choose to split the bill in half each time you go out or you may choose to take turns covering the bill. There are some men who still believe they should pay the entire cost of the date, which is fine for a casual dating night. However, once you become a couple, there is no reason you cannot share the cost of going out, especially if both of you work and make a fairly decent salary. If you look at your friends, you will probably find that most of them share dating costs, especially when the relationship reaches the level where they spend nights at each other’s homes or move into their own home or apartment.

When money is tight but you want something to do together, packing a picnic lunch and going to the park is a fantastic idea. This is especially good in the springtime when the leaves are beginning to turn green and the flowers are beginning to bloom. You have been cooped up all winter, so now you have an opportunity to get outdoors and enjoy the warm air and sunshine. If you happen to be a motorcycle enthusiast, a ride just for the fun of it is also a good way to spend some time with your date and not spend much money. Even a tank of gas is under $10 in most places.

If you and your date have mutual friends, you may want to take a night and just hang out with them. Maybe chip in for a pizza or if it’s warm weather, crank up the barbeque grill and make it a nice dinner outdoors—if there’s a pool, make it a pool party! For colder weather, take the initiative and cook a nice dinner for your date and rent a movie at home. There are plenty of activities you can plan without spending your entire paycheck for an evening out. Never assume your date expects you to spend a great deal of money on her every time you go out. Most women actually prefer simple things, even a walk in the park or on the beach.

In today’s fast paced world, it’s difficult at times to combine a career with a romantic relationship. This is especially true for those who are in high pressure positions where their careers force them to work long hours or be available for dinner meetings or out of town functions. In the past this was a problem only men had to face, but today with so many female executives it’s a problem that faces both genders equally. It may even affect women more than men because women are still new to the management field and must prove themselves in a field that was previously dominated by men.

One of the biggest obstacles that men and women face in a career-oriented world is how to set priorities. Quite often there seems to be the belief that it’s essential to attend every after hours meeting and every out of town function in order for the company to maintain its level of trust and confidence in each person in a position of authority. Both men and women neglect their spouse or partner in order to maintain their position at the top of the corporate ladder. At the same time they expect their relationships to remain in tact until they get to where they want to be or feel they have won the confidence of those higher in the corporate infrastructure.

Although many relationships will survive the neglect that is part of the climb up the corporate ladder, many others will not. This is especially prevalent for males because they do not always know when they have reached the point where they no longer need to put their entire lives on hold. These Type A personalities are the workaholics, those who are “married” to their jobs and unable to enjoy life outside of work. It is fortunate that not all executives are in this category, but there are enough of them that there is need to address the issue of relationship neglect.

For the up and coming executive, he or she must realize that the person who is supporting your climb to the top will only be there for you as long as you acknowledge their presence in your life. That means your job cannot consume you as you come home at nine or ten o’clock every night expecting a hot meal and your favorite drink. You also should not expect your partner to be denied your company every night of the week.

It’s essential for you to take time to work on your relationship even while you are working on your career. If you neglect your relationship, there will be no one there to cheer you when you reach your highest level of achievement. A relationship requires nurturing, even married couples who have been married for over 20 years. There is no point in your career when you can sit back and work on your career and neglect your marriage or partnership. Always put your relationship first and work on your career during your normal working hours and occasional evening meeting and out of town conference.

As more and more men become comfortable in the kitchen, traditional romantic dinners at a restaurant have gone by the wayside. Lady friends are invited to join them for a meal not soon to be forgotten.

Whether married or unmarried, an invitation to the meal is a key point. Make sure she knows that this is special, that this is for her. Give her a special card with a romantic poem letting her know the date and time of dinner. Send her a bouquet of flowers asking her to join you for this special occasion.

Don’t worry if you never learned to cook. Cooking classes can be found at most community colleges and some caterers and restaurants also offer them as well. Planning the meal does not need to be difficult. You need to know her likes and dislikes and if she has any allergies, but after that the sky is the limit. Dinner does not have to be fancy. If you are comfortable grilling a steak that is great! Add a salad and some crusty French bread and a baked potato and you have a meal. Make dessert special, chocolate fondue is especially easy and very romantic. After all, chocolate is an aphrodisiac. Here is a great fondue recipe:

Ingredients:

• ¾ cup of heavy whipping cream, reserve ¼ cup to thin if fondue gets too thick
• 4 bittersweet chocolate bars, chopped, 31/2 oz. each
• 2 tablespoons of Amaretto or Frangelico liqueur, (optional)
• ¼ cup finely chopped hazelnuts or almonds, optional

Directions:

1. Heat ½ cup cream in heavy non-reactive saucepot over medium heat until cream comes to a low boil.
2. Remove pan from heat and add chocolate. Let stand for 3-5 minutes to soften and then whisk cream and chocolate together.
3. Stir in liqueur and nuts if desired and transfer to fondue pot or put in mixing bowl above a small lit candle.
4. If fondue becomes too thick add reserved cream to fondue one tablespoon at a time.
5. Arrange your dipping items (biscotti, pretzel sticks, strawberries, banana slices, pound cake chunks, fresh cubed pineapple, orange segments) and add fondue forks or skewers for dipping.

Now that your meal is planned you need to arrange the setting. Flowers and candles are always appropriate, but try to be more creative. Think outside the box. Rose petals covering the table offer a unique perspective. Instead of using traditional taper candles, make a candle garden in the center of the table by using pillar candles of different heights. Tealights around the room are another alternative. Make your table look like you have made an extra effort for that very special person no matter what you do.If it is a special occasion like and anniversary or birthday, a gift is the order of the day. Give your gift in an original fashion. Instead of leaving her gift and card at her place at the table, you can plan a treasure hunt for after dinner. Leaving a card with a clue on her plate will make her curious and eager to start the game. Place cards and clues that only you and she would understand throughout the house and let her follow the trail to her big surprise.

After dinner planning is just as important as planning the whole event. Do you want to curl up on the sofa together and watch a romantic movie? How about dancing arm in arm under the stars? What about lounging on pillows in front of the fireplace and consuming your fondue there while listening to your favorite music? Remember chocolate isn’t just for eating.

Not hot enough? Well check out these articles that beg to differ:

• Chocolate Aphrodisiacs
• Chocolate and Sexual Desire
• Chocolate an Aphrodisiac

Not healthy enough? Well check out these articles that beg to differ:

• Chocolate is Fattening but Worth it!

When you first meet someone, there will always be that “getting to know you” phase. It’s not a good idea to immediately begin attempting to build a romantic relationship while you are getting to know one another. It’s important to become friends before you attempt to build something romantic. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t form a dating relationship—after all, that is how you will learn to know each other—but you want to keep it at a dating stage until you learn to know one another first.

Where many relationships fail is when a couple attempts “too much too soon.” Think of it this way—the best friends make the best lovers. What that means is you should become friends first and let what is meant to be happen. Not everyone is meant to be your life partner or soul mate. You will meet many people throughout life, but only some of those will be romantic interests. On the other hand, those that do develop into romantic relationships will do so at the right moment.

As you are building a relationship, do not see it as a way to meet Mr. or Miss Right but just let it flow as it will. You don’t want to force a relationship into being something it is not, and if you attempt to speed the process, you will fail as will the relationship. Another thing to consider is that what may seem right to you may not be for the other person at that time. That doesn’t mean the relationship will never go beyond the dating stage but rather that you cannot force what isn’t there. There is no special formula to tell you when the time is right, or if it will ever be right; you have to follow your instincts.

Once you know the relationship is going to proceed beyond the dating stage, you want to work on building it but do it slowly. Going from friendship to dating to romance should be a gradual transition, and the romance stage should be the longest and the most enjoyable. Romantic love is a special kind of bond that you want to form, but you cannot do that if you allow things to develop too quickly. Once you’re past the dating stage, allow yourself to enjoy getting to know each other in a romantic atmosphere.

Many couples also make the mistake of becoming overly possessive during the dating stage. Until there is a commitment to a relationship, you are not entitled to demand details of the other person’s activities nor is he or she entitled to know yours. Making such demands during the dating stage is sure to be disastrous, and the result will be an end to the relationship before it begins. Most importantly, do not use any information provided about past relationships during the dating stage as fuel for arguments at a later time. Take the time to work on the relationship, and allow it to develop into the depth you want it to be.

Will didn’t really think we needed to exactly define our relationship but to just let it happen. I felt we needed ground rules.

We talked about moving in together down the road. I had never lived with anyone before and the idea of living with Will both scared and excited me.

The next few months flew by. I met Will’s son and daughter. Justin, age 12, was adorable and I fell in love with him right away. We took Justin to movies with us and I attended Justin’s hockey games with Will. He didn’t seem bothered by the fact that his Dad had a girlfriend or that I was younger than his Dad.

It was a little scarier meeting Miranda who was 15. I was very aware of the fact that I was only 9 years older than her and I was so sure she would hate me on sight. No, she didn’t hate me. But she was definitely more reserved than her younger brother and I’m not sure I really knew where I stood the first few times we got together.

One of the first times we got together with Miranda, she brought a girlfriend with her so she could meet Dad’s “24 year old girlfriend”.

Apparently, the idea was cool–I just didn’t know whether or not I was as cool to her as the idea was.

I think she realized that her Dad was happy so she would go along with the idea of our relationship for the time being, but God help me if I did anything to hurt her Dad.

After a staff picnic that summer, we announced our relationship to the people that we worked with. Some people were completely shocked, other people’s faces held smug smiles, as if to say, I thought there was something going on there.

Over the summer I met most of Will’s family. He had 2 sisters, one older and one younger and 3 younger brothers. His oldest sister had kids older than me and she was very happy to meet me but I am sure that she wasn’t exactly sure what to do with me.

My most serious regret about our age difference was the fact that I didn’t get to meet and get to know Will’s parents. They were both in a nursing home and very ill when we started dating and I don’t know if they even knew that Will was separated from his first wife.

Summer turned into fall and I turned a year older and now we were seriously talking about moving in together. I remember vividly the conversation we had when we decided to move forward with the relationship. Will wanted to be completely upfront with me how he felt.

He loved me and wanted to live with me but he told me quite frankly that he would never marry again and that his kids would always come first. He had had a vasectomy and had no intentions of having any more children and he wanted to me to clearly understand this before we took our relationship to the next level.

That’s a lot of restrictions to put on a relationship before it even gets started. It’s also a lot of provisos for a 25 year old to absorb and agree to. I’m not sure that I could give up the idea of marriage and kids of my own.

Will understood what he was asking from me but he told me honestly as much as he loved his kids there was no way he wanted to start over again at this stage in his life and that his head was more focused on planning his retirement than on planning on nurseries and diaper changing.

How does a 25-year old girl deal with that? Love conquers all, right?

I told Will honestly that giving up any hope of marriage and kids was a very big concession for me to make and not something I could do lightly.

I spent a couple of days and sleepless nights thinking long and hard about what I really wanted for my life.

I couldn’t imagine breaking up with Will but would I be settling if I agreed to his terms. Could I live with someone for the rest of my life and be happy knowing that we would never marry or have children of are own? Could I handle always taking a backseat to his children’s needs? I didn’t want to give up too much of my own identity just because I moved in with Will.

It seemed to be an issue with no clear right or wrong answer. In the end I chose to agree to Will’s terms and deep down I really believed that once we had lived together long enough, he would change his mind.

We moved in together on a cold winter day at the end of January and I was excited and petrified at the same time. It was one thing to spend weekends with someone, but it was completely another to commit to spending all of your life with someone.

In a fairy tale this would be where you would get to the part where we lived happily ever after. Life doesn’t work like that. Making a relationship work is not easy. Both partners have to learn to give and take and to pick your battles. I’m not saying that we weren’t happy. Will and I feel that we are the best things that happened to each other and I thank God every day that he was persistent in his pursuit of me.

We loved each other very much and we learned to make it work. Did the age difference ever get in the way? You betcha. Our friends were different ages and they all had different priorities. Although we had similar tastes in music in some ways, half of the artists that Will was into, I had never heard of before. It was mind boggling to think that when Will started working I was only 2 years old. But just like all new couples, we discovered things about each other and every day was a new experience.

To further Will’s career, we moved across Ontario, and I left my family and friends to begin a new life. A series of coincidences followed that found Will’s estranged wife also moving to the same city we were moving to so Will’s relationship with his children did not change.

Being thrust into the role of a stepmother was wonderful and challenging all at the same time. Miranda and I butted heads a few times and the 9-year difference in age became an issue a few times. It was cool for her Dad to have a young girlfriend at first but it wasn’t so cool when I stuck around. Somehow, without words being spoken we found a way to make it work.

My relationship with Justin was solid, though. Never had a moment’s worry about where I stood with him.

I had this fantasy that I would be able to go out and golf with Will a couple of mornings a week but I was definitely not the natural athlete that he was. I did enjoy planning perennial gardens and doing all sorts of “Susie Homemaker” stuff that I was never able to try while I was working.

The summer flew by and before we knew it we were loading the car up to start our new adventure as snowbirds. I knew this experience I was going to love! A whole winter in Florida! What’s not to love! We had met people in the golf community that were also going to Florida for the winter and would be in the same city that we were renting in and they promised to take us out and show us the lay of the land.

We also knew that Will’s sisters would only be a day’s drive away. His older sister wintered in southern Florida and his younger sister was now leaving in Atlanta, GA.

The mobile home park where we were renting was beautiful and I fell in love with the balmy Florida weather right away. I was, by far, the youngest woman in the park and most residents didn’t know what to make of me.

I got involved in a water aerobics class and joined a Christmas choir and spent afternoons lounging at the pool and catching up on books that I longed to read. I missed my friends and I missed the kids and the grandkids. We had never been away from Will’s kids and the grandkids for more than a couple of weeks at a time and this hit me a lot harder than I would have ever thought.

On Christmas Eve, I was singing in the local Christmas Contata, and that night was the first night I truly felt homesick. We always spent time with Will’s kids and grandkids on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

On Christmas Day we drove to Atlanta, to spend time with Will’s sister and brother-in-law and I spent almost the whole drive crying that I wanted to go home. Will was completely bemused and didn’t know what to make of my behavior but when we arrived in Atlanta, I was in good company. Will’s sister, Mary, was also crying. This would be the first Christmas not spent with her son so we cried and laughed together, happy that, at least, we were with family.

New Year’s Eve found us in southern Florida and spending time with Will’s oldest sister, Laura, and I felt as if I had arrived home. Finally, I felt at ease with her and we spent wonderful days shopping and getting to know each other better. I lost my shyness and awkwardness around her. I knew from Will that she was much like his mother and, so, even though I had never gotten the chance to meet and get to know Will’s mother, I felt as if I had found the next best thing.

Laura and her husband enjoyed spending time with us so much that they decided they were ready for a change and they moved closer to us in central Florida.

I loved that first winter but by the time we returned home in the spring, I knew that I would have to find myself a job. I was so used to having my own money and I wanted my independence back.

Will also knew that he would have to get some sort of job to fill his time. Golfing every day the year before had been a new experience but he knew he wouldn’t be happy doing the same thing this year.

So we both got jobs at the golf course. I became a singing waitress and Will starting cleaning and doing dishes and ended up working with the chef in the kitchen. He finally had a job using his passion!

We spent nine years summering in Canada and wintering in Florida before Will decided he was ready for a change. I resisted the idea of selling our place in Florida but ready for a new challenge.

After much soul-searching, we ended up buying a 3 bedroom bungalow in northern Ontario where Will was born raised and where I spent a lot of my summers.

I started a new career with a home based business which kept me at home for 3 meals a day for most of the month while Will finally had a chance to really enjoy his retirement.

And so I have just about brought you up to date in our saga Will is now 65 and I’m 48. It’s funny. I’m older now than Will was when he first asked me out and yet I don’t think of me as old at all. Age really doesn’t mean anything at all. It’s just a number and its true - you’re only as old as you feel.

We now have 4 grandchildren: Miranda has 2 boys age 20 and 15; Justin has 2 girls - age 13 and 10.

I asked Will recently if he feels whether the age difference has ever been an issue in our lives. He shook his head no. When I asked whether he felt that the age difference would become an issue as we became older he doesn’t think it will. And if it does, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. We’ll meet that challenge just as we’ve met other challenges in our life - head on.

I truly believe that we were meant to be together. We might not have started out our relationship in a conventional way but we always were open and honest with each other.

I guess I finished growing up with Will by my side and he helped me become the strong, independent woman that I have become. I believe that I helped Will believe in love again and that love transcends age. He probably wouldn’t exactly put it that way, but the sentiment is there.

We’ve learned how to make our blended family work. Our families have come to understand and respect the love that we continue to show to one another and I don’t think anyone doubts our commitment to each other. After spending half of my life with this man I am looking forward to growing old with him and taking on whatever life has to throw at us.

Will the age difference become an issue as we grow older? I don’t know. But I do know that I love this man with all that I have and I am sure if our age difference becomes an issue we will figure out a way to work it out.

I loved to walk and found out that Will did also. We decided to walk along one of the trails near our apartment buildings and walked at least two or three miles. We talked about everything: music we liked, favorite authors, favorite foods and to my surprise we had a lot of commons interests.

I was surprised when our walk had brought us back in front of Will’s place. He asked me if I wanted to come up and, until that moment, I had no intention of going up to his place. I had a feeling where it would lead and I really did not want to complicate either of our lives. He waited patiently while I turned his invitation over in my mind wondering what had gotten into me. After a couple of minutes, I nodded. We were quiet during the ride in the elevator and I could feel my heart pounding and my hands were sweating.

After entering Will’s apartment our conversation became awkward. Will set me at ease by offering to fix me a cup of tea and we just sat in his living room and chatted about movies we’d seen and TV shows we watched.

I think I might have kissed him first and inevitably we ended up in his bedroom. Will insisted later to friends that that was my intention all along but until I said that I would go upstairs with him, I had not the slightest notion to ever sleep with him again.

Over the next few months, Will and I spent a lot of time together. I also dated a couple of other guys off and on but no one could make me laugh the way that Will did. No one at work knew what was happening. I’m sure a few suspected but we tried to keep everything quiet - my idea.

I found Will to be funny, charming, and very attentive. Not like some of the guys that I had dated that was my own age. He was very interested in what I had to say and what I wanted to do when we went out. I took careful note of my likes and my dislikes. He was a fantastic cook - an art I had never mastered and he loved discovering what I liked and didn’t like and loved introducing me to foods I had never tried before. I found my finicky food habits were disappearing.

We attended movies and concerts together. He even took me to an Elvis musical. We had front row seats for that and I was taken aback when the Las Vegas Elvis motioned for me to join him on stage and sang “Can’t Help Falling In Love With You” to me while he wrapped his sweat soaked scarf around my head. I thought “Oh My God!! Did Will arrange this?” I wasn’t sure whether it was just coincidence or not.

I loved spending time with him but had not even thought about falling in love with him. After all, he was the same age as my mother.

Most people at work still did not know that we were seeing each other, although I did confide in my boss and another friend about our friendship. I never thought of it as a relationship exactly. We were just two people enjoying each other’s company. Weren’t we?

One day after work, over drinks at our neighborhood bar, Will took my hand and said, “I think I am falling in love with you”.

To my horror, I actually choked on my drink and watched it spray all over him. I couldn’t believe his words and speechless, struggled to find words to respond.

“I thought we were just having fun”/

“So did I. I had no intentions of ever feeling this way about someone again. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

I didn’t know what to say. “Can’t we just leave things the way that we are? Why does anything have to change?”

Will replied that nothing had to change but I felt that it already had.

I have little memory of the rest of the evening. I think we finished our drinks and we went out for dinner as planned but I ended up not spending the night with Will but went home alone saying I felt a migraine coming on.

I’m not sure why the thought of Will following in love with me sent me into such a panic but it did. Was it the 17 year age difference! He was a lot of fun, but was there any future for us? What exactly was he implying when he said he was falling in love with me? What exactly did that mean? Did that mean he wanted a relationship? Marriage? He wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for my knight in shining armor that was going sweep me off of my feet and take me away somewhere where we would live happily ever after.

That weekend, I called an old friend from back home and asked if I could come for a visit. I knew I had plenty of holidays and I just wanted to get out of town for a few days and think about what was happening.

Will didn’t ask many questions when I told him I was going out of town, but told me to call him, day or night, if I wanted to talk. I agreed and we said our good-byes.

I hadn’t been back to my hometown for a while and I hadn’t seen my friend, Terri, since her wedding a couple of years before. Her husband, Richard, made himself scarce while I was there giving us plenty of time to catch up.

It was just like old times. We talked all night the first night I was there about books, and movies, and how marriage was treating her and what was going on with my love life. I told her about Will and a couple of the other guys I had dated.

Over a second glass of wine, Terri asked, OK Barbra what gives?”

“What are you talking about?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Can’t I come and spend a few days with an old friend?”

“Sure, any time but you’ve been acting skittish since you got here and I have a feeling it has to do with this Will you keep going on about.”

So I finally sat down and told her the whole story. How we met, how old he was, that I had been sleeping with him, and that he told me he was in love with me. I tried to explain that I liked him and that he made me laugh, but love? I don’t think so.

Three years passed and our relationship strengthened with every new challenge.

Will watched me struggle with the issue of not having children while I watched Miranda get pregnant with her first child and I did bring up the possibility of us having children, adopting, or having foster children. He did remind me that he had been crystal clear about his position on more children and I admitted that I had secretly hoped that he would change his mind.

He shook his head and told me on this issue he would not waiver. He looked forward to being a grandfather. He could spoil grandchildren when possible, and then hand them back to their parents when he had had enough. And so I became a step-grandmother at the tender age of 28.

It took me another couple of years before I was able to reconcile the fact that I would not be having children. Another regret about the age difference - I knew we would have made very beautiful children. There will probably always be a small, hidden-away place in my soul that houses this regret but the life that we have made with each other has certainly been rich and fulfilling enough to make it a small price to pay.

We lived together happily for close to nine years before Will’s resolve to never marry again dissolved. I’m not really sure what prompted his change of heart.

I just know that one day; he came to me with documents to do his own divorce and asked me for help in completing them. I was astonished.

“What does this mean? I asked. “Does this mean we are getting married?” He didn’t answer right away but gave me one of those maddening, wicked smiles of his and asked, “Why, do you want to get married?”

I thought that was as close as I was going to get to a proposal but he surprised me by saying, “I know we were supposed to be a one-night stand. Well, it’s been one, long beautiful night.” That was good enough for me. Just when I thought that Will fell short of being romantic, he always did or said something to surprise me. After his divorce became final and as we planned our small, intimate wedding, everything felt romantic and right.

We were married in his brother’s backyard on a cool August afternoon. My sister gave me away and Will’s brother and sister-in-law were our best man and matron of honor.

Will was 51 and I was almost 34. Ten years had passed since Will has begun his pursuit of me. It seems inconceivable to me that that much time had passed.

We didn’t see each other the morning of the wedding. My sister and I had planned a spa day and had manicures and pedicures and had our hair done before getting dressed for the wedding.

The whole day had a dream-like quality to it and yet I felt such clarity. I spent a lot of time going back over our years together. We both knew that the day might come when the age difference between us might get in the way but we decided that life was too short to worry about might be’s and could be’s and we would let love steer our course. I thought I would feel nervous and get a case of cold feet that day but instead I carried the feeling that this was all meant to be.

If I had been nervous that Will would get cold feet, the moment that he saw me walking “down the aisle” quelled any doubts. He looked at me as if I was the most beautiful woman in the world. It was the first day that I felt truly beautiful. His eyes were full of love and he looked as if he’d forgotten about everyone else that was there.

Although it was a traditional ceremony, we didn’t have a formal reception, but a backyard party with friends and family to celebrate our marriage.

It was a great party and we left everyone partying and drove ourselves to the honeymoon suite that I had arranged for that night. Our planned honeymoon of doing nothing but relaxing ended up being a whirlwind trip of traveling all over Ontario but we had a month of unlimited time together, lots of time to renew our commitment to one another.

Will had started seriously thinking of retirement and I felt as it my career was just getting started but I loved the passionate way that Will spoke when telling me of his plans. While on our honeymoon, we did discover the place where we decided we would retire. It was a beautiful place and I was excited as he was as we started making plans.

Retirement, we thought, was still four years away but it was fun planning on what we were going to do. Our plans changed abruptly when Will was offered a golden handshake 2 years later. After quite a bit of soul-searching, Will and I decided he would take the golden handshake and we would retire early. I was about to be the youngest retiree in history.

We spent the next few months planning the next phase of our life. We would leave the city and purchase a park model home in a golf-course community and stay there for the summers and then spend our winters in Florida. We decided to rent in Florida the first year until we found something suitable there to buy. Will’s older sister and her husband already had a retirement home in Florida and we decided we would join them.

I was a little nervous about this next phase in our life but Will’s excitement carried me along and I started joking with our friends that I was on the Freedom 35 Plan.

I quit work a few weeks after Will officially retired and we began to organize our move to the golf course community. Another move away from family and friends but we weren’t going to be too far away - only a couple of hours.

I loved our new home. It was smaller than the townhouse that we had rented but it was all ours. Well ours and the banks. We had a blast that summer. Will played golf every day. I took lessons although

I knew from the get-go that I was going to be completely hopeless. We did go out a few times to play 9 holes together but it became obvious very quickly, that this would be one area where we would not be riding off into the sunset together.

During my visit, we spent time shopping and catching up on our lives.

Before I left, we kept to our usual tradition of going out to our favorite Italian restaurant.

“I still haven’t figured out what I am going to do about Will. What am I going to do, Terri? How am I going to let him down gently? I’ll have to break it off with him.”

Terri smiled at me from across the table, and took my hands. “Sweetie, I’ve listened to you ramble on for the past few days. It’s been Will this, and Will that. You know, for someone who swears she’s not in love with him, you talk like someone who’s in love.”

“I do not!” I exclaimed!! “I am not in love with Will!”

“Are you sure? I think the lady doth protest too much”. I sat back in my chair and tried to come up with a snappy comeback but nothing came to me.

“Terri, he’s the same age as Mom! Where exactly is this relationship going to go? He’s got a 15-year old daughter and a 12-year old son! I haven’t even met them yet! Let’s say we decide to see where this relationship is going to go. What are his kids going to say about this? What if they hate me? What if I don’t like them?”

“His age didn’t keep you from sleeping with him. How will you know where the relationship could go if you don’t give it a chance? Are you sure you aren’t in love with him? Just take one step at a time. Worry about the kids when you figure out where this is going. You and Will will work it out together. I think you should call Will tonight and see what happens.”

I thought about what she said and then thought about Will. Just thinking about him made me smile. And then I really started to miss him so I took Terri’s advice and called him.

He didn’t sound surprised at all to hear from me. I was worried our conversation would be awkward but it wasn’t it all. I told him I had been talking to Terri about him, about us, and that he had told me that he was falling in love with me.

I asked him if he meant it, and if he did what exactly did that mean. Where did he see our relationship going from there? He told me honestly that he didn’t know. He knew that he wanted to make our relationship exclusive and he didn’t want to keep it a secret any longer.

He told me that he had told his children that he was seeing someone and that he wanted them to meet me. That blew my mind.

He asked me again how I felt and I told him that I wasn’t sure. I told him what Terri had asked me and I told him that I was confused about everything.

We ended up talking the whole night on the phone and I didn’t want to hang up

I told him when I would be returning home by train and asked if he could take the day off so we sit down and discuss this seriously. I still didn’t know how far I wanted to go with this relationship. He agreed. I told him that I would call him after I got back to my place and that after I showered and made myself presentable, I would call him.

I was taking an overnight train and I always looked frightful after that train trip. The trip home itself was uneventful but my mind was full of what-if’s and could-be’s. I turned over my conversations with Terri and my all night phone call with Will and kept asking myself could this man really be “the one”.

It was a long night and I definitely did not get much sleep on the long trip home. When the train pulled into the station, I started to sweat. Now on top of fuzzy teeth, gummy contact lenses, disheveled hair, I was turning into one big sweat gland.

At least, I thought as I made my way towards the escalator, I would have a chance to make myself beautiful before my reunion with Will.

As I stifled a yawn, I happened to glance up at the top of the escalator and to my shock; Will was standing there with a sheepish grin on his face and holding a bouquet of flowers.

I swear to God, my heart skipped a beat! I was so happy to see him and then tears came to my eyes when I realized what a sight I must seem to him. I wanted everything to be perfect and I looked a mess! When I reached the top of the escalator, Will was right there and he literally swept me off my feet. My bags hit the floor, momentarily forgotten, as he held me in the biggest hug.

After he finally let my feet touch the ground again, he thrust the bouquet of flowers and a little gift box towards me and confessed that he missed me so much, that he couldn’t wait to see me again.

He picked up my bags and steered me towards the taxi stand. During the drive home, he told me that we would go straight to his place, and if I felt I had to, I could shower there. I could feel myself start to panic again. I didn’t have a chance to clear my head or organize my thoughts.

He seemed to understand my feelings and took my hands in his and said, don’t worry, we have all day.

Back at his place, while I showered, brushed my teeth, and changed into some clean clothes, he surprised me by cooking me breakfast. The smell of sizzling bacon and eggs seemed to calm me down and I decided to stop trying to over think everything and resolved to just let whatever was going to happen, happen.

Breakfast was delicious. Between bites, we talked about our experiences over the last few days. Again I told him about my conversation with Terri over dinner and that I had done a lot of thinking during the train ride home.

“But it wasn’t till I saw you at the train station, holding the bouquet of flowers that it really hit that I have fallen in love with you/”

Food forgotten, he reached across the table and kissed me hard. All my concerns evaporated and no more words were spoken as he led me towards the bedroom.

Later, we both decided it was time for reality to set in and we decided to discuss where we went from here. This is where things were going to get sticky.

As I walked out my door, I thought to myself that I would just make sure that I didn’t stay long enough to get myself into any trouble. Lora and Carl caught me up on all the goings-on at work. It never failed. Something was always happening at work.

I finished my glass of wine, and decided to hit the powder room before saying my good-byes. When I walked back into Will’s living room I noticed that Lora and Carl were missing. They left while I was in the bathroom. Ah man!! I’ve been set up! I hate when that happens.

I told Will that I had to get going and picked up my jacket to leave. He coaxed me into staying for one more glass of wine and I didn’t want to seem rude so I agreed to one more glass.

It wasn’t long before he was asking me to stay overnight and again I refused. I told him all the reasons why it couldn’t work out. We work together, we were friends, I didn’t want to ruin the friendship, he was the same age as my mother, we worked together, and he was the same age as my mother ….

He put his arm around me, looked deep into my eyes and responded, “But Barbra, I don’t want to marry you, I just want to take you to bed.” He looked so sincere, and so endearing, and his eyes were so blue that I could not think of a satisfactory comeback … so I let him lead me into his bedroom.

I was worried about workplace complications so I tried to make him understand that this could only be a one night stand. He smiled, knowingly, and then stated that I would be back. I told him again that this could only be a one night stand but he just smiled again.

It was a wonderful evening and I left Will’s place with a warm glow on my face.

The next couple of days of my course flew by and before I knew it, the weekend had arrived. No call from Will, though. I was so certain that he had enjoyed the evening as much as I, and even though I insisted on a one night stand, I was sure since he had pursued me for months, he would at least call me and tell me that he had had a nice time.

All weekend I waited for the phone to ring. I even checked to see if my phone was working properly, and then I began to fume. I couldn’t believe it. I was so certain that he was not one of those guys who pursued a girl until she was a conquest and then paid her not the slightest bit of attention. OK, granted, I insisted on a one night stand but he asked me out for months!!! Not even a follow up phone call!!

I planned on giving him a piece of my mind when I saw him again, and then I thought, why wait? I looked up his number and decided I would call him. When Will answered the phone he sounded too pleased to see me that I forgot all the harsh words I meant to hurl at him and after a brief chat we made plans to go for a long walk together later that day.

I loved to walk and found out that Will did also. We decided to walk along one of the trails near our apartment buildings and walked at least two or three miles. We talked about everything: music we liked, favorite authors, favorite foods and to my surprise we had a lot of commons interests.

I was surprised when our walk had brought us back in front of Will’s place. He asked me if I wanted to come up and, until that moment, I had no intention of going up to his place. I had a feeling where it would lead and I really did not want to complicate either of our lives. He waited patiently while I turned his invitation over in my mind wondering what had gotten into me. After a couple of minutes, I nodded. We were quiet during the ride in the elevator and I could feel my heart pounding and my hands were sweating.

He took me to a really nice café and we had a great time. He was very personable and I found out a little more about Will. He was legally separated and had 2 children - boy and girl, ages 12 and 15.

Fifteen years old!! Only 9 years younger than I! I couldn’t believe it.

After lunch, we walked back to the office, he apologized again, I accepted his apology again, and thanked him for a great lunch. I didn’t thing another thing about it and went back to work.

After work, I was meeting a few co-workers at a local bar to discuss about the possibility of having a winter skating party. There were about eight of planning the outing and when I walked in, I was surprised to see Will there. He had found out about us planning a party and wanted to help out. Apparently, according to people he’d been on the road with, he was a chef, and he offered to make his famous chili and garlic bread to warm us all up after our skate.

Inwardly, I’m groaning and wondering why we were being thrown together again, but I shrugged my thoughts aside and pitched my ideas for the party. Before long we had the nuts and bolts of the party worked out and the planning committee began to leave.

Will stopped me with an offer to take my out to dinner. “I really feel as if I still need to make things up to you”, he said. “Don’t be silly”, I replied, “All is forgiven”.

“Still, you need to eat”. He had a point. And still being the starving single girl on limited income, I took him up on his offer. We walked to a pub just up the street and, again, Will was very personable and supper was very enjoyable.

He offered me a drive home afterwards, which I accepted but halfway home, he asked me to spend the night with him. I couldn’t believe my ears! He buys my two meals and thinks I’m going to jump into bed with him! I politely declined and, to his credit, he didn’t push the issue but drove me home.

Over the next few months, Will and I ran into each other at different work luncheons and functions, and a couple of parties and he always managed to find time to ask me out again. I declined every time. I couldn’t help admiring his persistence, though. He was always very courteous, and took my refusals with good grace.

It was after one particular party that things were about to change. Will invited us all to a spaghetti party at his place. My pals were planning on attending so, of course, I had to be there. I resolved to make sure that I didn’t end up alone with Will. I also decided that I would try to be one of the first to leave.

The party was a blast and Will’s spaghetti and meatballs were delicious! As I was trying to find my jacket and take my leave, Will managed to corner me and asked me out again. Once again I turned him down.

I said my good-byes and reminded people that I wouldn’t be in the office the following week because I was taking a work related course out of town.

The following Wednesday evening after I had finished supper, the phone rang and it was Lora, a friend from work calling. She was calling from Will’s place. Lora and her boyfriend, Carl, had dropped in on Will for a couple of drinks and they mentioned that they had not seen me at work and were worried about me.

I reminded them again that I was on a course. They had entirely forgotten about that but asked me to join them at Will’s place for a drink. Apparently, there was tons of wine left over from Will’s party on the weekend. I knew I had to be up early the next morning so at first I refused but Lora’s coaxing me finally convinced me to go over for one glass of wine.

As I walked out my door, I thought to myself that I would just make sure that I didn’t stay long enough to get myself into any trouble. Lora and Carl caught me up on all the goings-on at work. It never failed. Something was always happening at work.

I finished my glass of wine, and decided to hit the powder room before saying my good-byes. When I walked back into Will’s living room I noticed that Lora and Carl were missing. They left while I was in the bathroom. Ah man!! I’ve been set up! I hate when that happens.

I’ve always looked younger than I really am and he found it hard to believe that I was 24. “You’re just a baby”, he said.

“Well, how old are you anyway?” I countered.

“How old do you think I am?” he asked.

I hate when people do that! I have never been very good at guessing people’s ages. I knew that he was older than most of the rest of our group. Most of the people I worked with were between 20 and 30. He had a young face but his hair was completely silver. He confessed that he had been grey since his early 20’s - a family trait.

I guessed that he was in his late 30’s. He kept me wondering for a while but finally revealed that he was 41.

“41! 41!!! 41!!! Oh my God”, I cried, “You’re the same age as my mother!! Oh my God, I couldn’t believe it. Everyone at the table laughed.

Over drinks, Will asked me out for the first time. I just shook my head and said, “I can’t go out with you! You’re old enough to be my mother!” He laughed but told me he was determined that I would go out with him. I just shook my head again and told him I also didn’t date guys that I worked with.

Shortly after, we left for the party and I forgot all about Will’s proposition.

There were over 200 people there - employees, sub-contractors, wives and girlfriends, husbands and boyfriends. It was a total madhouse.

I found myself a glass of wine and looked around for my friends and found Will amongst them. I inwardly groaned hoping Will wasn’t going to become a problem, but made my way over to my friends and decided to just politely ignore Will.

He was hard to ignore though. He was very charming and regaled all of us with amusing stories about them being on the road. Will managed to catch me alone and again asked me out. I explained again that I did not date guys I worked with and reminded him again that he was the same age as my mother. In fact, I told him, maybe I would fix him up with my mother the next time she was in town.

I spent the rest of the evening mingling but somehow Will managed to find me. By this time, he had also had too much to drink and his proposals were getting more lewd. What happened to the polite man I spent 3 years talking on the phone to?

By the time I left the party, I hoped I never laid eyes on Will again. I felt humiliated. In front of everyone we worked with, he asked me to go to bed with him. Everyone thought he was so funny but I still couldn’t get over the difference in his behavior.

Monday morning rolled around and I was determined to keep things “business as usual”. The morning went by quickly and it was almost lunch time when I looked up to find a sheepish Will standing over my desk with a huge bouquet of flowers.

Pete, the host of the party, had found Will that morning and told him he owed me a huge apology. Will did not remember anything that he had said to me at the party and asked my forgiveness. He also wanted to take me to lunch.

I told him that his apology was accepted but lunch wasn’t necessary. He insisted, and since I was a starving single girl who couldn’t really turn down a free lunch, I accepted his lunch date.

He took me to a really nice café and we had a great time. He was very personable and I found out a little more about Will. He was legally separated and had 2 children - boy and girl, ages 12 and 15.

Fifteen years old!! Only 9 years younger than I! I couldn’t believe it.

After lunch, we walked back to the office, he apologized again, I accepted his apology again, and thanked him for a great lunch. I didn’t thing another thing about it and went back to work.

I grew up believing that there was one person out there that was meant for us. Sounds hopelessly romantic, right? Guilty as charged. Blame the Harlequin Romances and old black and white movies that I gobbled up as a young teenager.

If a person is to believe that then it stands to reason that our looks, religious background, social standing, even a difference in age shouldn’t and couldn’t matter.

My parents’ marriage didn’t fit in with my romantic ideals, nor were they the best examples of what marriage or relationships were all about. They were just two people living life the best way they knew how while raising a family.

Mom and Dad didn’t discuss their relationship. They didn’t talk about their feelings. I can’t even remember how old I was when I discovered that there was a 10 year age difference between them. Not that it mattered. They were Mom and Dad.

It’s hard to believe that 24 years have gone by since the first time I laid eyes on Will. It boggles my mind that I’ve spent half of my life with this man.

It seems as if it was just yesterday when I decided that my romantic dreams were just that, dreams. There was no Mr. Right out there for me. I would just have to settle for the dead-end relationships that I kept finding myself in.

I was so sure I knew what I was looking for in a man yet every time I thought I had found that someone special, he ended up being more Mr. Wrong than Right.

The ironic twist in my search for everlasting love is that once I stopped looking for Mr. Right, he found me. I just didn’t realize it at first.

Will and I spoke on the phone for 3 years before we actually met. We both worked for the same company - he was on permanent travel status and I was at head office and responsible for making travel arrangements for him and his team as well as processing their travel claim.

We spoke at least once a week. I wouldn’t speak to each individual team member unless there was a specific problem - I would speak to the Project Manager.

He was always very pleasant on the phone. He never raised his voice or got angry when things went wrong (something was always going wrong with so many people being on the road at the same time). He just took a deep breath and then said, “OK, how do we fix this?”

He sounded so yummy on the phone - both my supervisor and I were half in love with him. He always had a joke or a funny story for us. He sounded young and vibrant and tall. I remember asking my supervisor if she knew what he looked like but she didn’t really remember who was chosen after the interviews. Will was hired and sent out to Vancouver immediately.

We were implementing a countrywide computer system back before I knew what the internet or the worldwide web was.

Will was sent from one end of the country to the other and I was always the person on the other end of the phone that kept things organized for him.

Three years passed, the project was successful, and I would finally have a chance to meet Will. All the teams were coming home to attend a party to celebrate the success of the project.

The Project Managers showed up at the office the afternoon of the party for a meeting with the Director and to introduce themselves to some of the staff before the party. It was great finally getting to put faces to the names.

I heard Will’s voice before I saw him. I turned around to introduce myself and managed to keep a smile plastered on my face as I held out my hand.

He wasn’t bad looking. He definitely had a pleasant face to go with his voice but he was short and definitely older than I expected. Ah, well, I thought fantasies never hold up to reality. That’s life.

The afternoon passed quickly and a group of us had arranged to meet for drinks at a local bar before the party. Will and some of the other roadies were invited to join us and it turned out that Will and I were sitting across from each other at the same table.

Of course, we exchanged pleasantries. He was easy to talk to and told great stories. He made me laugh. Everyone at our table started exchanging life histories. I found out that Will was legally separated and had 2 children.

I’ve always looked younger than I really am and he found it hard to believe that I was 24. “You’re just a baby”, he said.

“Well, how old are you anyway?” I countered.

More to come on this story…

There are many differences between men and women, some subtle and some more noticeable. Body language is the big term these days and is one of the noticeable areas where the sexes can differ. But, unlike general body language analysis, there are specific parts of the body that can give specific clues as to what a man or woman is thinking.

Head posture or gestures can say a lot that words do not say. Men and women use their heads in different, though, similar ways, though. Have you watched a man and woman talk in a bar? What is going on with the woman’s head? The man is usually looking straight at her, even through her.

But, what do women do? If they are not interested in a man, they usually continue to look around the room. She may look down and to the side or even raise her head in a sort of arrogant pose. These are all signs of non-interest. If she is interested, she may initially look down but, usually, straight down, in a humble, “I’m yours”, sort of way. When she looks at the man, she will look him straight in the eye to see if she can detect his honesty. Once she is interested, she will probably tilt her head, as well. All these head movements are part of a language that we will explore in greater detail. They will give you cues to know exactly what a woman is think, and feeling.

So, we’ve said that the head can be tilted up or down. This can mean different things depending on context and inner dialogue. If a woman tilts her head down and looks to the side with rolling eyes, you know that she is not interested or has found your conversation a little too much. If she tilts her head down, however, and looks towards her feet or the front of her body, she is showing that she may submit this body and heart to you. Not right away, mind you. She may actually look down and then look back up into a man’s eyes. This is a good sign. Note, though, that if a woman tilts her head down and keeps her eyes glaring at you, she is probably feeling hostile. Watch out.

Now, what if she tilts her head upwards? If a woman tilts her head upwards at a high angle, she is either arrogant or feeling intimidated. If it is an arrogant gesture, she thinks that you are an idiot and wishes that you would go away. Now, if you’ve only just approached her, she may find you intimidating; try to relax her fears by showing her what a nice guy you are. Crack a joke or tell a friendly story - like the one when you helped the elderly lady across the street. If she tilts her head up, looks sideways, and smiles, you’ve probably said something that really amused her. Quickly think back to what it was and keep that theme alive. However, if she tilts her head back and squints, she thinks you’re a liar. Say something truthful really, really quickly.

So far, we’ve talked about head tilts up or down. Now, what does it mean to have a woman tilt her head to the side? This is a behavior that you’ll find more in women than men. Have you ever had a woman look deep into your eyes and tilt her head slightly? It can send shivers of joy down your spine.

So, how can we interpret head tilting to the side? Well, if a woman tilts her head to the side at a slight angle, she is showing her interest, and her sensitivity. If she tilts her head and pushes her face forward she is either trying to understand something you are saying or trying to kiss you. Either is a good sign you are not totally boring her. If she pulls her head back while tilting slightly, you may have said something to cause her to suspect that you are lying or stretching the truth. Or, she is developing a growing distrust. You should try and change that right away.

If she tilts her head at a medium angle (especially if she furls her brow), she is confused by something you are saying or doing. Try to find out what this is. If she pushes her face forward at this medium angle, she is really questioning you and practically calling you a liar. If she pushes her face back, she is really questioning your veracity.

Now, if she tilts her head at a large angle, she may be inviting you to get horizontal with her. She is showing you a large degree of her neck and exposing her skin for you to take in. If she smiles when she does this, pay both bills and take her away from the crowd.

Another head gesture to decipher is the head nod. The head nod is used in most cultures on earth to signify an affirmative or positive response to something that is being said or shown. Some scientists say that this is an innate behavior shown in many primates besides humans. If we apply this to understanding female head gestures, we know that if a woman is nodding, she is agreeing with everything we are saying, right? Well, maybe not. In fact, if she is nodding really fast, she may just be impatient with what you are saying. Speed and style is the key here.

If she nods by lowering her head first, she is nodding in caution. If she raises her head first, she is happily and optimistically agreeing with you. If she nods slowly and affirmatively, you have her undivided attention.

If you are engaged in conversation that is positive and you are getting the head shake (as in shaking one’s head No), she is probably disagreeing with you in her internal dialogue or is in a state of disbelief about what you are saying. Or, she just plain feels sorry for you! Always explore that response and try to provoke a positive, affirmative head nod, not a head shake.

And, if she jerks her head quickly to the side, she may be lying. Finally, there are two head gestures that, if you see, you are definitely in a woman’s good graces and field of interest. If she does a head toss, by throwing her head up and to the side so that her hair flies out of her face, she is most definitely interested in you. Also, if she is looking at you and does the infamous hair flip, ie. throwing her hair back, she wants to show you more of her face. This is also a very good sign.

Head gestures are an integral part of body language. Understanding how a woman uses these signs can help you not only tell if she is interested but allow you to maneuver correctly to end up taking her home and, maybe, to the church.

Men and women differ in many ways, many subtle and many much more noticeable. In their body language, men, while sharing some similarities, are quite different than women. And, head gestures, in particular, can tell a woman a lot about a man. Specific gestures or head posture can say a lot of things he doesn’t say with words.

Do you ever see a man tilt his head in the same way a woman does? Not usually. In fact, think about a man and a woman talking in a bar. A man will probably tend to stand centered and not move his head nearly as much as a woman. This is tied to an ancient and primitive need for a man to be strong and steadfast, showing his dominance to get a mate and food. So, a man will not move his head as much as a woman and that is the first thing that a woman needs to understand. Sometimes, a man may seem to be staring a hole in the back of your head. In fact, he may not be suffering from any condition; he may just be asserting stoic and very still manhood. This can still be uncomfortable for some women but shouldn’t be feared…in most cases.

For many men, though, direct eye contact is not something they prefer with women. They may periodically stare you down but men tend to converse with their head at an angle. So, if you find a man looking at you from an angle off center, that is normal.

Men don’t tend to look down, though, unless they lack confidence or are really shy. This might be a sign of weakness. In fact, studies show that women are attracted to the Alpha male confidence. So, most men always keep their head up and their gaze level. The only time that this may change is if you, as a woman, get into a man’s heart.

If a man does tilt his head down, especially after you’ve given him that special look, he is probably interested in you and doesn’t want to just stare at you, not yet anyway. You’ve probably seen this sort of exchange between a woman and a man. A man notices a woman and can’t help but look at her beauty. She looks over and sees him staring. Finding him interesting, she looks back to give him a good inspection. In that locking of the gazes, the man will sometimes look down, sometimes after a wry smile, because he is overcome by the woman’s beauty.

At times, man will tilt his head upwards, as well. If he tilts his head high, this may be a sign of arrogance. It can also mean that he is studying you as he is not sure what to make of you. Men are simple creatures and, when confronted with a complex, intriguing and beautiful woman, they may raise their heads as their brains go to work trying to analyze what they are observing.

Now, men do sometimes tilt their heads to the side. Sometimes, this is just a sign of confusion, trying to figure out the current situation. If the tilt angle is great and he is talking to a woman, he may be trying to imagine what it would be like to be lying down with this woman. So, if you are conversing with a man and he tilts his head and smiles, he is interested, very interested.

The head nod is another gesture to watch for in a man. In most cultures around the world, the head nod is used to signify a positive or affirmative response to what is being said. Scientists say that this is innate behavior in many primates, including humans. Thus, when a man is nodding, they are probably agreeing with us. But, this is not always the case. A nod can connote agreement. It could also be a sign of impatience. Men are not talkers and women are. If a man thinks you are talking too much, he may just continue to nod his head as you talk on and on. If you, as a woman, are talking at great length and the man you are conversing with is just nodding his head, you can rest assured that he may not even be listening to you. His mind could be on the Monday night football game.

The style of a head nod is important, too. If a man nods by lowering his head first, he may be nodding in caution. Sometimes, a man will do this on the first encounter with a woman. It is a cautious gesture of interest as he still has his primitive guard up. If a man raises his head and then nods, there’s a good chance he is more secure in his greeting or, in conversation, he is in happy agreement with what you are saying. If a man nods slowly and deliberately at you, he is probably not only attracted to what you are saying but attracted to you, as well.

Now, if you are in conversation with a man and you get a head shake (like shaking your head No), that is a sign of disagreement and their internal dialogue is one of disbelief in what you are saying. It is good to explore, think about what you were saying and what he would be disagreeing with. And, if a man jerks his head to one side quickly while he is talking to you, he may be lying.

Head gestures are a very important part of body language. Understanding how a man uses these signs can help you tell if he is interested in you and give you clues on how to best have your way with him, whatever that way may be.

Have you ever gone to a social gathering, shopping mall or got on public transit and observed how some couples interact. Sometimes you can’t help notice because certain pairs may be fighting and yelling at each other. But, sometimes, you’ll see a couple and just know from the way they are sitting or the way their bodies are aligned to each other that they are either totally happy or very mismatched. Now, looks are not everything and can sometimes be deceiving but the field of body language applies to couples as much as it applies to either sex individually. And, your observations may, in fact, be a true read of unconscious body language between the couples you’ve observed.

So, if we look at couples and their body language, what are some of the characteristics of the body during couple interactions?

If we start with the face, we can do a simple analysis and ask if the couple faces each other. Do they actually look at each other? Some couples appear happy but they do not actually look at each other. And, when they do, they become serious or even scowl. This is a sure sign that there is tension in paradise. Women almost always prefer eye contact so if they look away, there must be something there.

Another facial cue is to look to see if the couples raise their chins when they look at each other. This is a sign of animosity and exists when there is something the couple can’t communicate about and feelings are pent up inside.

And, if you see forced smiles, this can be a sign of some sort of conflict between the partners. When a couple has issues and tries to keep them hidden, they will smile at others but, when they look at each other, their faces will change from a smile to disgust and then back to a smile.

Another powerful indicator in the body language of couples is how they touch - or don’t touch. Whenever you see a couple that is in love, you tend to see them touching each other. You seldom see one partner touching the other partner and the other not responding with a similar touch, or more. If one of the partners reaches out to the other and gets no touch back, there is something wrong with their relationship. Many times, you’ll see a man reach for a woman and she will accept the touch; she won’t return it, however. Or, a woman may wrap herself around a man, trying to get his affection. The man will just look as if she is an appendage. These are signs of a relationship that is not ideal, even unbalanced.

Speaking of balance, body language can sometimes show who has the power. It is said that if a woman regularly puts her arm over the man’s shoulder, she has the power in the relationship.

And, when a man has his hand wrapped around the lower part of a woman’s back, there is a close sexual bond between them. However, if a woman tries to hold a man, or his arm, and he just lets his arm dangle, his is probably not interested in her or her feelings and needs.

Another example of body language between partners is the act of preening or straightening up a partner. If you see either partner always trying to straighten the hair of the other, fix up their clothes, remove blemishes, etc., this is a sign of closeness.

They say that clothes make a person. While this may or may not be true, there is a theory that says that if a couple wears contrasting clothes, they are not compatible or are intentionally dressing to clash with the other. Red, for instance, is the color of extroverts. White is worn by people who want to stand out. Black is worn by those who want to stay in the background (or hide their expending waist).

When a couple sits down together, the way they sit can tell you a lot about the state of their relationship. If they face each other, they are in a positive state; if they face away from each other or are at an angle, there is trouble between them. Also, if they each have closed body language towards each other, this can be a sign that something is wrong. Closed body language includes crossing of arms, keeping hands close, crossing legs and looking down or away.

And, when a couple is walking, does one partner walk ahead or behind? If so, there are some power or domination issues.

And, finally, though you may not observe this about a couple, the way they make love is a key indicator about their relationship. One body language to watch for in making love is whether the eyes of your partner are open or closed. Closed eyes can signify not wanting to look at a partner; of course, it can also just mean that the partner is enjoying her/himself. However, if they are stiff and awkward, there is probably something on that partner’s mind.

Body language is not just a man or woman thing. It also is a consideration when looking at any couple or even your own relationship. By understanding how couple-based body language works, we have a new insight on how romantic partnerships are held together - or torn apart.

Body language is a broad term for forms of communication using body movements or gestures commonly branded as “body attitudes” instead of, or in addition to, voice communications. In other words, what you can tell about someone’s mood or disposition can be intrepreteted from the expressions on ones face, the way they are standing or sitting, and other subtle gestures.

Often the mannerisms of men and women differ from each other so the advert mix signals when communicating without words - a little advice.

Body Language of Women

Have you ever been interested in a woman and tried to approach her? You think that she is showing signs that she is interested in you, too. You approach her thinking that your interpretation of her feelings are genuine. As you get closer, however, and go to introduce yourself, she frowns and turns away. You think, did I read her wrong? Chances are you did. And, you did because you are not adept at reading body language. In fact, most men are not. But, not to fear; this article will give you some pointers for your next encounter with the opposite sex.

Body language, sometimes called non-verbal communication, is actually responsible for over 60% of all our human communication. Words are only actually about 7%. And, since men and women communicate differently, you need to know specifically which gender you are trying to read. In fact, women have over three times more area of their brain devoted to reading these types of cues.

So, how do you read a woman’s body language. What indicators can you look for? Well, there are certain key elements to look for that can help you immensely when you want to know what a woman is really communicating, whether the conversation revolve around trust issues or you just want to know if he is flirting with you.

Believe it or not, women are more uptight than men. They are more “closed” in their demeanor. This is the byproduct of generations of conditioning and we can’t judge and say that their ways are wrong. They are just different from men’s.

Our culture raises girls to be more reticent and keep their body “closed”, so to speak. So, what does this mean in practice. Well, women tend to keep their arms close to their bodies. They almost always keep their legs crossed, as well. Even if their legs are not crossed, their knees are touching. Men are different. They take more space and have their legs seldom crossed. They are also loose with their arms. If a man sits on a couch next to a woman, usually, the man puts his arm around her and she, with her arms and legs close to her body, snuggles under the man’s arm.

So, how can this help men in reading a woman’s body language? Well, if you are conversing with a woman and she changes any one of these body cues, watch out. If her arms come away from her body or her legs move apart, she is probably going to be shifting her attitude. She is uncomfortable with something you said or did. Women tend to lean forward when they are conversing. If you are communicating with a women and she leans back, that’s also a sign that she is uncomfortable or getting angry.

When standing, women do not tend to lean as much as men. If they do, they also lean at a very small angle. If a woman leans, or leans at an exaggerated angle, something is changing in her. If she also folds her arms, you should think about what is causing her to change her outward attitude.

When it comes to romance and dating, body language can be critical in determining the success or failure of a date, or your relationship.

If we start with the face, you will notice that women tend to stay focused the face of a person who is talking, watching for emotional cues. So, it is important to stay focused on a woman’s face without seeming to be staring a hole through her.

And, if a woman is interested in you, her eyes will catch yours and she will look at you intensely for a few moments. She may raise her eyebrows but that is more a trait of men. So, when you get that intense and interested gaze, know that there is interest there. And, look for a woman who tries to show you more of her eyes. The whites of a woman’s eyes are something she considers sexy so if she inadvertently looks up and to one side, she is interested in you and exposing more of herself to you. Also, if she finds you interesting, she will move her eyes back and forth from one of your eyes to the other.

Hair is another intimate item that a woman considers sacred. If a women is interested in you, she will immediately think about her appearance; women are conditioned this way. The first thing that many women do, knowing that a man of interest is looking at them, is play with their hair. It may be a finger comb to straighten her hair or a twirling of the end of her hair. She may even flip a piece of her hair up revealing her ear or use her finger to force her hair on one side behind her ear. This opens up the face and allows a man to see more of her. When you see something like this, you definitely have her attention and interest.

Some women will toss their head to one side and throw their hair back. This is a sign that they are interested or looking for attention.

Women consider their skin to be an intimate part, as well.